Today is my birthday and it's a big one: 25! Although the celebration has always been something to look forward to, birthdays have brought some serious stress over the past few years: another year older and still no closer to choosing a direction in which to steer my life (in my mind I was at the edge of a forest with no clear path in). For me, the fear that came with this was nearly paralyzing- I floated from one idea to the next, changing plans as often as I reapply sunscreen on a summer day: architect, journalist, helicopter pilot, printmaker, project manager, surf bum (I don't surf, but I could learn). You name it, I considered it. I backpacked for four months, I moved across the country, I made new friends, I started a new job, I enrolled in courses, and I still had no freaking clue.
With each of these little "future flirtations," I was searching for a way to support myself so I could do the things I really want to do: practice yoga, eat food I grow myself, have stimulating conversation over a glass of wine, learn new things, cook for my friends, become a part of a community, spend as much time outside as possible, raise a family, smile a lot, and play a part in making this world a little brighter.
This year it finally clicked. I realized my fear wasn't of not knowing what to do, rather I was afraid (scared sh*tless, really) of doing the thing I knew I was meant to do.
Glass shards on the floor, my ceiling had come a'tumbling down.
I had fantasized about running my own cafe since I was thirteen years old. I had taken my yoga teacher training a few years prior and found that I loved teaching (like, love-loved teaching). I had moved to the west coast to surround myself with mountains and forests and ocean and people who were just as ga-ga for the outdoors as me. I had a vision for a shared space to brainstorm, create, and gather over a cup of velvety-smooth coffee. And most importantly I had family and friends who were supportive, excited, and relentlessly encouraging of my wild, scary, oh-so-me plan. Read: I had been on this path for years.
The Universe had gently guided me this far, now it was time to put on my big-girl-pants and step into my me-ness.
Today I am not afraid of being another year older. 25 is going to be wonderful-insane-exciting! Ready, set, GO!