Growing Pains

We hear it all the time: the ebb and flow of life. We have periods of elation and bouts of sadness, times of ease and eras of tribulation. We are challenged, we overcome, and we soar, then BOOM! we are faced with a new challenge. Transition comes with growth, but even good transition can be difficult.

The last time I wrote, I was flying high. I had found myself in damn-near perfect alignment with my dharma and I was sure it would continue. It did not. It got even better and then it got hard. And, though wildly beautiful, it threw my idea of normal for a complete spin. The changes over the last few months have been good ones (more like amazing), but I still find myself stumbling to land on my feet. This is normal, this is good, this still leaves me in tears six days of the week.

Let me catch you up: 

  1. I moved to Haida Gwaii for four months to work. I saw whales on my way to work, I went for beach walks with bears, and I was welcomed into a family of earth-loving, adventure-seeking, absolutely-genuine human beings.
  2. I fell in love with one of those beautiful human beings. His name is Gaelan. He has my heart.
  3. I returned from Haida Gwaii, relocated to Vancouver Island, and moved (with Gaelan) into a beautiful little cabin steps away from the ocean.
  4. I got a new job that allows me time to make art, practice yoga, and go on adventures in the mountains. 

Amazing, right?!

I feel so fortunate to be where I am, with who I am. So why is it that I am still struggling?

For me it is mostly simple: I do well with routine and in the last six months every inch of my routine has changed. My meditation practice has become virtually non-existent, my yoga routine has taken a steep decline, I am eating foods that I do not normally eat, and my work schedule varies week to week. My natural rhythm has completely lost the beat, which leaves me feeling discouraged. I worry I have lost all of the progress I worked so hard to make in my personal growth, physically, mentally, and spiritually and I feel disconnected from my true self.

These thoughts of regression are completely bogus of course, but that does not make the self-doubt less loud.

Which brings me to this post. I know I am not alone in this experience (even though some days that is exactly how it feels) and I believe that recognizing we are not alone is hugely important in finding compassion for ourselves. It is easy to think that we are not working hard enough or that our perceived failure has compromised our reputation, or worse, our self-worth. News flash: this is progress. We are enough, we will find ourselves back on track (sooner than we think), and we are totally rocking this change. We need to be patient with ourselves, make room for some self-compassion, honour the progress we have already made, and keep our eyes on the prize. 

It is still going to take work, but you/I/we are totally up it. I have developed my personal plan of attack:

  •  Get back to basics. Eat foods that make me feel good (this includes all the Christmas chocolate I please), start each day in meditation (two minutes will do), get myself to yoga (even when I do not feel like it), and continue to call my Mom every other day.
  • Keep up the search for a new studio to begin teaching again. An opportunity will show itself. In the meantime, Facebook yoga (check it out pals) gives me the chance to practice with my friends and family all over the world.  
  • Continue to learn. Ingest all the knowledge that my giant shelf of unread books has to offer.  
  • Let myself cry when I need to cry.

I’ve got this and so do you!  

Are you finding yourself in a similar situation? What tools do you use when you find yourself in the midst of a shift? Have you found on yourself on the other side of the change? Any words of wisdom to share? I would love to hear from any and all.